How odd how strange how wonderful, yesterday while cleaning the Calhoun I was stuck with a tremendous idea. I’d write B. a not- to clean up my karma so to speak. Well I went right down to Mothers and bought a card, made a rough draft then wrote:
Dear B.
Lets be friends. I know our last conversation wasn’t so wonderful and for that I apologize, I’ve had the past few months to think it over. I wondered:
Why doesn’t he want me?
What’s wrong with me that he doesn’t wnat me?
Whats wrong with him that he doesn’t want me?
And I realized there is nothing wrong with either of us – its just the way it is. But we did have some fun so no hard feelings. Lets be friends. I went to see him, to pic up some level sheets their screwed up my courange to hand deliver the missive – orig. I was going to mail it – he wasn’t home. I went off to run some errands, had dinner at a sushi bar – thought about Eddie, but that another story – drunk 2 bottles of sake and went back to B’s.
It’s raining. it’s lovely to sit inside and drink coffee and write and write. I’ve so much to tell and these ou TV. I love eye, I just love it. Though it’s slow its steady and well organized lye is, my feelings about. I’m so glad I started writing songs they are a marvelous outlet. When it rains in Sept. it will be a hell of a writer in CA.
She’s just a little lonely
When evening comes around
She’s just a little lonely
it doesn’t get her down
No lights but he was home (à deux), I rang the downstairs bell – he came out to his balcony “who is it” I have a letter for B … E… I’ll be right down” He came down. Down to the stairs … I put out my arm, letter in my rings. He took the letter and came round to see who it was, He was shall I say, pleasantly surprised and glad to see me. He was sorry he couldn’t invite me up – C’est la vie. That was yesterday.
He called tonight a little while after I got home (I was not sitting by the phone). It was good to hear his boice on the line, good to talk again. Why do I get so hung up on these guys? Theres no future in it. Not in B. I’m busy he’s busy. Where we are both not busy we’d see each other – he’s great in bed. I don’t imagine I will live for the
(transcribed by alh on july 15, 2022, mistakes are hers send edits to auberon27 @ gmail.com)